Notice that I ever, even for a second said that they were cheap. Am I referring to them being hookers? No. Am I referring to the fact that you’d be paying for sex? Yes. We all know how expensive Vegas is, and let’s face it kids: If you think that you’re not paying for sex in some way shape or form, be it a prostitute or a date then you are flat out wrong. So either you are a total badass and you’re willing to shell out money to take a chance on seeing if your rap will work, or you admit that paying for sex isn’t that unforgiving when you’re in Vegas. Either way you need to somehow get it done. Here’s my advice:

If you want a hooker then I really can’t help you. Pick a chick from the book, call her up, and shell out your 300 bucks or whatever it is for 15 minutes of pleasure in your face, possible disease, and never see them again. Now, if you’re me and just won’t get a hooker, what do you do? Get a group of guys together, go to some place like Pure, or Rino, or whatever club. Shell out the dough for a table in the VIP section and let the scanks flock to you. My further advice? Pick an ugly girl with big tits. The hot ones will NOT touch you and they will use you for the table. The ugly ones? They are very thankful, will blow you, and after all you’re in Vegas. You didn’t go there to not get laid and try to impress people….well, unless you’re a moron and from Brooklyn with 6 earrings.

Another lesson. Don’t ever for one second feel like you have to be “one of the boys” if you have a chance to get laid in Vegas. One of your annoying drunk friends will call you a loser because you aren’t “hanging out” which means that you are drinking and puking until 6AM. While this is the Vegas way, your friend, if he had the chance to go home with any girl, would be sprinting to the door. If a girl is EVER in the position this girl in the picture is, get the fuck out of there with her, and don’t look back. I’d rather have a jealous and angry friend than one who thinks I’m cool for staying out and “staying true to my boys.”

That girl really wants to fuck that dude. She would be what I call a CFC girl (Cruising for Cock). I really need to get laid. Jesus.

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